


Do I wanna know, if this feeling flows both ways?

by bitterhoney (hwanxiao)



Category: UP10TION
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anyways, First Gyuhwan fic in the ao3 tag I guess, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Gyujin denying his feelings, Gyujin fuck boy but at the same time he isn't?, Gyujin tattoos, Hwanhee is in love but it's painful, M/M, Party, based off Do I wanna know by Artic Monkeys, idiots who can't confess their feelings without screaming at each other first, it's cliche if you read a lot of fanfics but if you don't then you're well in for a ride, mentions of nsfw very slightly even if the main plot is fwb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwanxiao/pseuds/bitterhoney
Summary: "I've dreamt about you nearly every night this weekHow many secrets can you keep?'Cause there's this tune I foundThat makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat"Hwanhee always reminded himself that what happened between him and Gyujin was a mistake, a stupid fling; but as their eyes met once again in the middle of this party.Hwanhee wanted to believe otherwise.
Relationships: Han Gyujin/Lee Hwanhee, side Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Seon Yein | Sunyoul
Kudos: 8





	Do I wanna know, if this feeling flows both ways?

**Author's Note:**

> beta reader ; @wideillusion on twt

Hwanhee wasn’t planning to spend his Sunday night at a college party, especially including the fact that _ he literally had a huge project due next week  _ and he hadn’t even renamed the Word file from document1.

Neither was he the partying-with-random-people type as he’d rather enjoy drinking inside the small dormitory with a few of his close friends. Clearly, Hwanhee wasn’t a social butterfly. He was bright, cheerful and all the above but it was hard for him to make new friends and converse in quick conversations.

He was outgoing enough to get an invite, but that didn’t mean he was obliged to go — except for the fact that Dongyeol constantly insisted on them going to every party they got invited to. Hwanhee didn’t know why the younger wasted time dragging him along. When in two minutes of entering through the door; Dongyeol would already be out of sight, leaving Hwanhee in the middle of strangers.

Tonight was the same as always; his pretty little friend had disappeared into the crowd almost immediately and Hwanhee was left to fend for himself. He tucked the loose white blouse into the hems of his jeans before setting out to find somebody he knew — not wanting to socialize much at the moment.  The liquor he drank at the front table was still buzzing throughout his system. Though he had a high alcohol tolerance, so getting drunk this early into was the least of his concerns.

Much didn’t need to be thought as Hwanhee headed straight for the kitchen, knowing it would be where Seon Yein normally hung—either draped over his boyfriend or one of his many admirers. The older boy had been a close senior to Hwanhee when they were in highschool, seeing as both of them were theater kids. Yein was the reason Hwanhee even got invited to most of the parties in the first place; insisting that Hwanhee had to make more friends and connections. Hwanhee quickly recalls the conversation he had with Yein over the phone yesterday.

_ “My boyfriend is holding a party, you should come” _

_ “Why would I go to Wooseok’s party?” _

_ “So I can show his house off, obviously” _

_ “You know you sound frugal right?” _

_ “Well, what’s wrong with that Hwan?” Yein teased. _

_ “Fine, I’ll ask Dongyeol” Hwanhee says with a sigh. _

_ “That’s my favorite junior!” _

He’d always been quite impressed by the sheer size of Kim Wooseok’s house; clean white wallpaper was accompanied with glimmering golden patterns that trailed up to the ceilings, where a glass chandelier hung lavishly — only a few inches out of reach from the drunkards below. Hwanhee was reminded of a distant memory of Yein crying over his calculus homework and saying he was going to find a rich boyfriend. Hwanhee never thought he was serious but it seems he has been proven wrong.

The blonde heaved a sigh of relief as he spotted Yein sitting on the counter top, sipping something out of his red cup as a familiar looking guy whispers something into his ear making him laugh. Hwanhee knew the whole ordeal of course; Yein was just playfully flirting, then he’ll break this poor guy's heart and run back to Wooseok.

The older’s face lit up instantly as Hwanhee came into his line of sight. “Hwan! You came!” Yein exclaims, already a bit tipsy as he could tell. It wouldn’t be long until Wooseok would come and haul his ass back. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Hwanhee engulfed Yein into a quick hug.

The older giggles a bit as he slurs to introduce his victim of the night, “Hwan, this is Gyujin. Gyu, this is Hwanhee.” 

_ Gyujin  _ gives Hwanhee a small smirk. “I think I know him quite well.” Gyujin says smugly.

Hwanhee cursed at himself internally for not recognizing Han Gyujin sooner. His hair was dyed a light brown, different from the dirty blonde when they last met, the wavy locks falling over his warm eyes. A various number of inked paintings ran up his arms, beautiful art pieces dispersed against his toned skin. Hwanhee noticed a few that were new since the last time he had admired them.

Gyujin was wearing a thin white shirt and dark leather jeans that clung to his figure. A black biker jacket was wrapped around his waist loosely.

He was beautiful, but Hwanhee couldn’t bear to look at him for longer than he already had. He could already feel his face warming at just the mere  _ thought _ of Han Gyujin; he hated how the older could make him feel extremely vulnerable by just a small look.

Gyujin chuckles mockingly as Hwanhee avoids his gaze. It was hard to restrain himself from punching the shit out of Gyujin right then and there, even if the older had a whole four inches over him. 

“Hm? I never heard Hwanhee mention you before, weird.” Yein shrugs nonchalantly.

If Hwanhee had blinked, he would have missed the sight of Gyujin’s arrogant smile slipping from the curl of his lips though it returned as quickly as it had faded. Hwanhee took it as a small win.

Yein’s attention was quickly diverted to his phone as it played a ringtone that Hwanhee instantly recognized as Wooseok’s, a bright cheery tune that made Yein smile as if by command. Without even bothering to pick up,Yein grins at them. Yein knew Wooseok so well that he didn’t even need to be told what the call was about. Hwanhee could feel his chest clutch tightly in jealousy for something like that, even if he knew Yein and Wooseok’s relationship wasn’t all sunshine and flowers.

“Wooseok called —” as if that wasn’t obvious enough “ — He’s waiting for me upstairs.” Yein says giddly before moving his way from him and Gyujin, though not before placing a soft kiss on Gyujin’s cheek; the action made Hwanhee internally scowl. Yein bid them a farewell before trotting up the exiting the kitchen to what Hwanhee assumed was Wooseok’s room.

“Well, he just left us.” Gyujin said. He didn’t have to look at Gyujin to tell that the older was slightly disappointed that Yein left. He was pretty and nice, there was no reason Gyujin wouldn’t want to hit Yein up. As much as Hwanhee hated the truth, he had to accept it —guys like Gyujin don’t end up with guys like him.

Forcefully, Hwanhee choked down the tears that started to well at the edge of his eyes as he relished in the awkward silence between them. He didn’t dare say a word, afraid they would come out wrong or mumbled; or worse case scenario, he’d straight up start sobbing.

But Gyujin didn’t seem to like the quiet.

“So, When are you going to stop pretending like you don’t know me, Hwan?” There wasn’t any bite in Gyujin’s tone — thankfully, as Hwanhee didn't know how much he could keep it together if Gyujin was even slightly agitated with him . The older seemed content as he took another sip from the plastic cup; but just because Gyujin was fine, didn’t mean Hwanhee was.

A quick glance was thrown in Gyujin’s direction, “For as long as I can.”

The statement may have been misinterpreted as a challenge rather than a threat seeing from how Gyujin moved to corner Hwanhee against the kitchen counter. Hwanhee placed his hands against the counter as an attempt to get further away from the older boy but his efforts were in vain as Gyujin caged him between his tattooed arms. It took Hwanhee a lot of self-control to not stare at the olders defined muscles that were practically looming over him.

Hwanhee’s heart started beating out of his chest as Gyujin leaned closer to him so he was on the same eye level as the younger,refraining Hwanhee from avoiding his gaze.

“Hwannie —” 

“Don’t call me that.” Hwanhee snapped.

“ — Okay, Hwanhee. Why are you so angry at me? I thought we left it off at a good place.”

_ A good place? _

_ A good fucking place? _

When Gyujin had left, they both still tasted each other on their tongues. Hwanhee’s shirt was still wrinkled on the floor, the stains on his bedsheets were still fresh. That night was ingrained into every brain cell of Hwanhee’s mind — even if he wanted to erase Gyujin from his mind completely, he couldn’t. It was excruciatingly painful for him the first few months when  _ everything  _ reminded him of Gyujn. It was even more cruel that now when he’s “over” him, Gyujin decides to turn up like nothing ever happened between them.

_ “Are you fucking kidding me Han Gyujin?”  _ Hwanhee let out a choked sob, tears threatening to run down his face. Hwanhee wished he’d had a few drinks earlier so his chest wouldn’t feel stomped over this much. Han Gyujin was a fucking idiot who he let hurt him over again and again.

“You’d rather prefer we continue our little fiasco and both end up getting fucking hurt?” Gyujin was calmer than him, but his fist was clenched tightly around the plastic cup — crushing it in his grasps. He was pissed but he was calm enough to keep himself contained, as Hwanhee on the other hand was a _ fucking hurricane. _

“You only saved your  _ damn _ self Han Gyujin, you left me to suffer alone.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “Hwanhee, we should end this.” Gyujin says suddenly, separating himself from Hwanhee who was lying on the bed. _

_ The only sound that could be heard throughout the room was the cracking of Hwanhee’s heart. It was stupid for him to hook up with Gyujin who he knew had a crush on a senior girl, but he let a small part of himself believe that maybe, just maybe Gyujin would like him back. _

_ He had been pinning over Gyujin since first year when he saw the senior playing the guitar with his band at a pub near to Hwanhee’s dorms, the way his trained fingers switched from one chord to another effortlessly as his blonde hair made him stand out from the crowd. His shy smiles as the crowd cheered on his band.  _

_ It hadn’t been hard to befriend Gyujin that night, Hwanhee was dutied to carry Wooseok and Yein home and Gyujin refused to drink, claiming he was afraid he’d forget Hwanhee’s beautiful eyes; though he said later on it was because he was expected to drive the instruments back to his dorm. They made small talk as Hwanhee had texted Dongyeol to come pick up their two drunk friends since he had an “important meeting” to attend. It wasn’t long until he found himself wrapped tightly in the older’s embrace. _

_ They arranged a few meetings after that, they got to know each other. Gyujin found out that Hwanhee’s first ever crush was actually Dongyeol and Hwanhee found out that Gyujin had been trying to woo over this senior girl named who’s studying medicine _ — _ Hwanhee didn’t remember her name, but he did remember her being pretty, and that was enough for him to understand his undefined title with Gyujin. A friend who he occasionally fucks, it wasn’t special. They talked about their hopes and dreams, how Hwanhee wanted to move to France even though he couldn’t speak a single word of french, how Gyujin would practice playing until his fingers were blistered and Hwanhee would have to scold him then fix him up with the small knowledge of medicine he knew. Sometimes they would just lay comfortably in each other’s presence, enjoying the company. _

_ He couldn’t recall when exactly did he fall in love, but when those four words came out of Gyujin’s mouth, he felt a sharp pain throughout his whole body; like someone took a knife to his gut and twisted it deeply until they felt satisfied with his suffering.  _

_ “Me and Nara are just starting to work out really well you know? I asked her to go out with me this week and she agreed. I don’t want her to misunderstand the thing between you and me.” It was an understandable reason, Hwanhee knew he was in the wrong for catching feelings but he couldn’t help but feel aggravated. Did Gyujin really see nothing between them? Did he not see the sparks like Hwanhee did? _

_ “Oh.” The younger answered shortly, he felt too tired to respond _ — _ like his heart and soul had just been ripped out of his chest. He didn’t even have the strength to state his opinions. _

_ Gyujin either didn’t notice Hwanhee’s devastation, or he didn’t care. “Well, I guess that’s all. Nara is texting me, I have to go.” The older quickly  _ _ slipped on his shirt as he headed out _ _. _

_ Leaving Hwanhee to cry, scream and curse to the ghosts in his empty room. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“And after that day I thought you’d at least still fucking hang out with me. But no, you didn’t text or call me for six months and now you’re acting like we’re fine. Thanks for confirming that all I ever was to you was just sex, that you didn’t even care for me as a friend enough to keep in contact.” Hwanhee didn’t care that half of the party was now circling them, prying to hear whatever bit of drama they gave. He was angry and hurt, but he was  _ still so fucking in love  _ with Han Gyujin as he willed himself to stare straight into those eyes. He saw himself falling and falling again until he couldn’t get up anymore.

Gyujin laughed bitterly, “I cared for you, I cared too fucking much okay, Hwanhee? When I went on my first date with Nara all I saw and heard was your stupid smile and stupid laugh replaying in my head. I was so fucking scared, Hwanhee. It was stupid of me but I was scared that after three years of trying to flirt with Nara, I ended falling for someone else. I was so convinced I was in love with her that I started blaming you inside my head for when I wasn’t happy with her. I thought that if I pushed you away I would finally be happy with her but I  _ wasn’t _ . I broke it off with her a few months ago and all I’ve been doing is fucking missing you.” Gyujin looked like he was on the verge of tears as his hands scrambled to hold Hwanhee’s tight in his. 

Hwanhee finally let himself burst as he threw his arms around Gyujin’s neck, pulling him closer as his perfume clodded his senses. “Then why didn’t you call?” He mumbled into the hems of Gyujin’s collar, shooing at the people who were crowding them to disperse; Luckily, they obliged to give him and Gyujin some alone time.

Gyujin hiccupped before answering him,”I was scared you hated me.” He said lifting Hwanhee to sit on the counter top so he didn’t have to lean down to look at Hwanhee directly.

“You fucking idiot, I could never hate you. Idiot,Idiot-” Gyujin allowed Hwanhee to punch his chest on repeat as the younger was letting out some kind of pent up anger against him. It was better the silence treatment he got earlier —and Hwanhee’s fists barely hurt him anyways.

Gyujin stares at Hwanhee in adorance, smiling wide with sparkles in his eyes, “Why are staring at me like that?” The younger asks as he stops attacking Gyujin with his tiny fists. 

Hwanhee’s soft brown eyes were wide in confusion and Gyujin couldn’t help but place an airy kiss to his soft cheeks. “I love you.” Gyujin says with a proud grin.

“Well, that's a first.” Hwanhee says, his heart fluttering at the soft action. How Gyujin still had that effect on him when they’d done way worse was beyond him. He felt butterflies in his stomach. 

  
  


“I guess I love you too.”

“Say it properly.”

“No, you made this difficult and I’ll make it difficult for you now.” Hwanhee giggles.

“Fine,” Gyujin says before finally pressing a kiss onto Hwanhee’s lips, one the younger quickly melted into like he was chocolate near a fireplace.


End file.
